HEIL HONEY, I’M HOME

Heil Honey, I’m Home was a British sitcom that aired from 1990 until about 8:30 p.m.  It only lasted one episode before the masses booed it off the air.

The show features Adolf Hitler and Eva Braun living in an apartment just before World War II.  Hitler is already chancellor (and has already invaded Czechoslovakia) but, you know, a lot of the murders haven’t happened yet.

Their next door neighbors are the Goldensteins, a stereotypical Jewish couple that acts like the Fred and Ethel Mertz to Adolf and Eva’s Desi and Lucy.

If you think this sounds like a horrible idea for a television show then congratulations, you are smarter than the producers of this show.

THE PLOT

Adolf comes home, and Eva is upset that he’s late for dinner again.   Meetings have tied him up all week.  She name-drops several high-ranking Nazis, which…comedy, I guess.

Hitler reveals that Neville Chamberlain is coming to visit and Eva knows why, because that rascally Adolf had to go and invade Czechoslovakia even though she told him it was a bad idea.

Adolf tells her that he doesn’t want the Goldensteins to know about Chamberlain coming over because they are so annoying and they ruined that meeting with Mussolini.

You know, if the number of violent dictators mentioned in your sitcom outweighs the number of laughs, you done messed up.

The next morning Hitler goes to “work” and Eva starts preparing the dinner for Chamberlain.  Rosa Goldenstein comes over, and it’s clear that Eva wants to tell her the big news.  She says that she can’t because if she does Adolf will kill her, which is a staple phrase of sitcom dialogue, but it takes on some more sinister connotations when you’re talking about a person who ordered the death of six million Jews.

Anyway, she gets around it by playing charades so that Rosa can guess.  She mimes “sounds like” for the first name and Rosa says, “sounds like…Devil?”  Which is a fun easter egg, putting the name of the show’s creator in there like that.

Rosa guesses Neville Chamberlain, and she is impressed.  Her niece, who can’t find a boyfriend, is visiting and she wants to set her up with him…the Prime Minister of England.

Hitler comes home, and he’s mad that the Goldensteins are there.  Eva tells him to relax and think happy thoughts, so he clutches himself and thinks about Poland and France.  I’m surprised they didn’t slip in a Zyklon B joke in there.

Eva proposes that they get the Goldensteins drunk so that they’ll pass out. Then, they’ll carry them back to their apartment.  Hitler agrees, and they get smashed.  Only, instead of falling asleep, they get crazy, and a huge party breaks out.  It doesn’t seem to matter because Chamberlain is down to get wet.  He even responds to the Goldenstein’s niece.

Chamberlain brings a paper with him, which he wants Hitler to sign.  It says that he won’t invade any more countries.  Of course, Adolf doesn’t want to sign it, but he ends up having to when Arny Goldenstein finds it in Hitler’s ice chest and accidentally reveals that Adolf has tanks and ships he’s hiding.

Hitler agrees to sign the paper in order to make Chamberlain think he’s a good guy.  Everyone leaves and Hitler and Eva sit on the couch.  He says, “you’re married to one smart fuhrer” and then kisses her on the cheek and the nightmare is over.

THOUGHTS

Take a guess.

Yeah, this is one of the worst things I’ve seen.  If the main character wasn’t Hitler then it would simply be an unfunny knock-off of I Love Lucy and The Honeymooners.  But it does star Hitler.

I have a comedy theory: the worse a subject is, the funnier the joke must be for it to be acceptable.  If you’re joking about cereal, it doesn’t have to be funny for people to accept it as “just a joke”.  But if you are telling a joke about rape that joke better be hilarious, or people are going to get very upset.

This is a sitcom where the joke is about a mass murderer who instigated one of the most deadly wars the world had ever seen.  This would have had to have been the funniest show ever in order for people to let that slide.

It wasn’t.

I guarantee that it wasn’t even the funniest show on the air for the half an hour it saw the light of day.

Avoid Heil Honey, I’m Home.  It is not worth your time.

 

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The Author

Mark Phillips

Mark Phillips

Mark Phillips is the author of several thriller and literary novels. His Bentley Books series introduced the world to sadistic serial killer Bentley Grimes, a villain of unbelievable cruelty and unimaginable coldness. His literary novels are populated with richly drawn characters struggling with issues that affect our society today, such as: homosexuality, alcoholism, family struggles, poverty, greed, and bigotry.

He is an avid sports fan as well as a lover of movies and television.

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